Damn Them Both
by faetlrae
Summary: Jiraiya loves pushing the limits, Tsunade mused.


**DAMN THEM BOTH**  
By AussieHottieMjM

DISCLAIMER  
Tsunade and Jiraiya are characters owned by Kishimoto Masashi-sama. I am in no way affiliated with their creator and owner(s). No infringement is intended, and, if requested by said owners (with proof), will remove this story, if asked.

RATING  
This fan fiction is rated K , suitable for those out of kindergarten, because – erm –_Jiraiya _is in it.

SYNOPSIS  
Jiraiya loves pushing the limits, Tsunade mused.

SETTING  
Manga chapter 346 or after. Please note that the corresponding anime episode has not yet been released, and that this story may result in a mild spoiler for those who do not read the manga.

AUTHOR'S NOTE  
I love Jiraiya and Tsunade. I admit to writing this fic for my own pleasure. What can I say? I am selfish. Also, a particular thank you to Dee; if you all think that this draft is too wordy, you should've seen the copy I sent to her. Not to mention I ignored some of her suggestions, only to end up adding them now, that I have revised (small) parts. March 7, 2008.

IF AND WHEN REVIEWING  
No, I am not pleading for you to OMG REVIEW PLZ. Rather, if you are to submit a review of the story, I would appreciate not only compliments but also suggested improvements. "Suggested improvements" is in no way a flame; please do not waste time with this. However, a critique should contain both positives and negatives, both of which I strongly appreciate when in combination with each other.

x x x

She swore that the vein in her forehead could be seen from outer space. Jiraiya always seemed to have this effect on her. His deep voice hit her ears like the high-pitched buzzing that a mosquito makes just before a sadist would pick apart its body, limb by limb. The woman's brow twitched in annoyance as her old teammate aggravated her all the more. He knew it, too. In fact, if she did not know better, she would say that he was smirking—which meant that he was enjoying this.

Damn him.

She sat as silently as possible at her desk, trying her best to look as if she were taking precious interest toward the single file she held in her talented hands. If it was at all possible that the seemingly youthful, blond medical ninja could appear like she was not a bit bothered by his antics, she just might manage to come out of this without being convicted of murder. All she had to do was ignore his incessant talk of all things erotic. After fifteen minutes had passed, the woman was beginning to lose hope in her ability to control her anger. There is, after all, only so many earfuls one could receive in a lifetime from the self-proclaimed Super Pervert Jiraiya, the Toad Hermit. But, damn it, she was not going to lose it this time!

She was the Fifth Hokage, Princess Tsunade!

But what the hell did that do for her? That very title of "Fifth Hokage, Princess Tsunade" was synonymous with word phrases such as "short-tempered," "ego-centric," and "just stay the hell away."

She was able to hear the kettle's whistle. A few seconds more of this contemptible topic, that Jiraiya had thought of as heaven since he had been only a boy, would surely send him to his grave as a middle-aged man. Yet, when the water began to boil, Jiraiya saw his limit. He somehow seemed to change the topic (in a manner that flowed together) to something – some_one_ – that Tsunade would never admit to being fond of – and she meant _never_. Jiraiya's young and growing pupil, Naruto. That loud-mouthed dumbass of a brat who knew exactly how to get under her skin.

Yeah...

Damn him, too.

However, despite much resistance, she stopped pretending like she did not care and took a real interest in where the conversation was headed. When Jiraiya finished bragging about just how much the boy had improved while Naruto was in Jiraiya's own care, he inquired about how the youngster had been during his brief absence.

"Your ugly student is making history," Tsunade informed. "Naruto has learned to combine his chakra with both manipulatable states of nature and form." Jiraiya did not seem surprised of Naruto's accomplishment. "Of course," she continued, "if he continues using the jutsu, then it will cost Naruto his ability to mold chakra."

"And then our adorable genin will not be able to become Hokage," Jiraiya added in a playful manner. After Tsunade sent an expression of serious concern his way, he added, "Naruto may be stupid, but he would never do anything to keep his dream from coming true. You should remember."

Tsunade reflected briefly on, perhaps, the unluckiest bet she had ever made. She supposed that Jiraiya had a valid point. Sort of.

"Besides," Jiraiya continued, "even if that did happen, Naruto would come traveling with me again. We would go on more perverted adventures, and—"

_THWACK!_

Sheesh, Tsunade had not realized that the mere mention of the word "perverted" would cause her to finally explode. And yet, Tsunade smiled slightly at Jiraiya simply being Jiraiya.

"You should not be corrupting the youth of Konoha."

"Oh please," Jiraiya grunted, "Naruto does a fine enough job being perverted all on his own." Tsunade smiled after thinking back to Naruto's return to the village. He did act pretty perversely, she had to admit.

The self-proclaimed Super Pervert was slow getting up. Tsunade took the time to delight in his misery, and she even imagined hitting the recently corrupted Naruto over the head, too. However, she began to feel guilty when a small cut on her comrade's lip began to bleed. She could only recall feeling this guilty for Jiraiya one other time—when they were young, and she had nearly killed him. At that point in time, she had felt guilty because she had never come close to killing a single person yet. This time, however, she felt guilty for some other reason. A reason she could not identify. A reason she _would not _identify.

A reason she _needed_to identify.

She loved him. _Him_, too.

Ah...

Damn them both.


End file.
